I Am That Girl Now

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Must tone down the missionary zeal.

I've been drinking too much water. It's turned into something I automatically do in order to relieve the constant back-of-the-throat sinus drainage from allergies-- grab a gulp of water. The medicine makes me feel a bit dry, too, so there's more water. Before I know it I've gone through almost 100 ounces in a day, 80 ounces at the office alone, and folks? That's just too much water. I know this because my bladder told me so, four times last night.

I was so pumped from the run last night that I didn't go to bed at 9:30. Which is theoretically okay, since I said I'd just shoot for getting to bed early three nights a week... but the thing is, I needed it, and should have. My brain shut off around 9:45 and bedtime-- actual sleeping bedtime, which didn't coincide with getting-into-bed time for various reasons-- didn't happen until around 11 PM. And then there was all the getting up to pee, so I really didn't sleep a lot.

I've been smashingly reminded this morning of just why I a) started this blog and b) went out into the world o' other runners. Because when I get excited about something, I want to share. And when I share to my other friends, I get nothing back. The blank "okay, whatever" stare, or the brief, bland encouragement before swiftly moving on to other matters that they actually want to talk about, or a downright uncomfortable reaction. I'm trying to tap an empty well; why do I keep doing that? Why even mention this stuff?

It frustrates me. It frustrates me a lot. It makes me feel oddly rejected even though I know that it's not about me, it's just-- for lack of a better way to put it-- I've suddenly gotten enthusiastic about a different fandom that they don't understand. I guess I'm just in a period of mourning now, mourning that I don't get to have my old tried-and-true companions along for the ride on this one, too, that I won't get to pick their brains and bounce ideas off them, that (as usual per: the things I mourn) I have to get used to a whole new thing. In this case, that means new people. Including you guys-- whom I am so grateful for now, I can't tell you. ::hugs everyone::

I guess it's just baffling me. Because there's so much that they match up with me on-- same politics, a lot of the same TV enthusiasms, a lot of the same taste in books and computer geekiness, and a lot of them are even doing the healthy-eating thing so we can talk shop about that. It seems that it never occurred to me, deep down, that I'd end up having this big thing that I couldn't share about. Every time I think I'm out of denial about that, something happens to make me realize that I'd drifted back into my optimistic default-setting and no, get over it, they still don't care and will only comment to be polite. Sigh.

Part of it may be that missionary-type zeal that people get when they're involved in something that's changed their life and that they feel could have great benefits for their friends and family and whatnot. Reminder to self: missionary zeal is highly annoying because life-changing involvements are something that each person must choose for themselves, without being pushed. I don't mean to lean that way, but when I was bitching about this in my head earlier the words "but they SHOULD care about it!" popped up, which bodes ill for what kind of attitude I was showing. Depending on the audience, an enthusiastic preacher could either be preachin' to the choir, standing on the street corner with a bottle of olive oil, incomprehensible sign, and a bullhorn to babble into (I have indeed seen this, and he's my favorite random Chicago street preacher by far), or something between the two extremes. I'm nervous that I may have ventured into bullhorn territory. Oops.

So, okay. I'll keep it here. They get most of me, but my health & fitness quest will remain with you guys. I'll manage to stop pouting over it eventually.

3 Comments:

  • Hey Meg,

    I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way when I'm around my friends and I talk about running. They call me 'the running nazi' and it's not just because I run all the time, it's because I was so pushy, I eventually go them to start running, too. Now I even think they like it, but I'm not sure. ;)

    So I say keep on talking about it every once in awhile. Maybe one day you'll get lucky and snag one and a new runner will be born.

    By Blogger Rebecca, at 4:23 PM  

  • This is very true... even my gorgeous boy has trouble understanding my running fixation... he is very supportive of it, just not converted! I guess this is how Aussies blokes feel, when they start talking about sport- and our faces just go blank :)

    By Blogger Amy, at 12:34 AM  

  • I'm the same way. My friends have been very supportive in listening to me talk incessently about my running, but I still feel like I'm boring them to tears, and I self-censor. That's why the blog is great--when I tell my running stories online, I feel less of a compuslion to talk about them in person.

    By Blogger Noames, at 9:16 AM  

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