I Am That Girl Now

Friday, August 03, 2007

Let the fun begin

I've got two half-finished posts sitting in the queue, so I'll try to finish this one, at least, and get it up. I have not forgotten you all, I'm just getting all scattered this week. Bah.

So, I took my last bit of Zoloft on Tuesday. Since I've been taking half a pill every third day for the past month, today (Friday) would have been when I was supposed to have the next pill, and I didn't. Haven't. Which I'm pretty sure means that if anything is going to happen, it may well start happening today.

Trying my best to stay calm. I've talked myself out of a few trees already, spent more than half my allowance for this pay period in an hour's time (but, you know, AWESOME CLOTHES, so I'm kind of okay with that), doing my breathing, trying to get a little one-minute meditation in whenever I have a chance. I think I'm okay, but I've got this strong sense of impending financial doom going on that is kind of hard to pin down. It's tied in with my recurring freak-out about how the hell we're ever going to manage to afford kids; we're pretty much breaking even right now-- not managing to save any more, but not going into debt-- and I'm not only irritated that we can't manage to get money saved, and am pissed that our nest egg, safely ensconced in a brokerage account, is apparently LOSING money, but add the concept of affording kids to that and... I break. I kind of feel like giving up, selling all my belongings, and moving into a nunnery. Pretty sure that we're actually fine and that this is just my stress-generator talking, but at the same time, it's kind of uncomfortable.

Also: Lollapallooza is now in full swing, two blocks away from our office building, and it's so fucking loud that not only can I kind of hear the music, but the windows-- fifty-plus stories up-- are SHAKING. I would say that this means I'm getting old, but I've always been averse to ongoing sessions of very loud noise, so I'm still just as cranky as I've always been, I guess. Still. If this was our downstairs neighbor at home, I'd be banging on the floor asking if possibly he didn't need to make it so that the entire apartment complex could hear Sexyback for the eighth time. As it is, I'm feeling peeved at a large swath of humanity congregated in Grant Park. GRRRR.

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  • I so relate to you. So I know this probably won't help.

    My parents were super young when they had me. Married, but barely 21. My dad hadn't graduated college. My mom was a preschool teacher. There's not a lot of money involved there.

    That said, my parents managed to put both me and my brother through college. At points, I'm sure there wasn't any too much money, but us kids never felt poor or anything. It's horribly cliched, but even though my childhood wasn't perfect (my dad was bipolar) I know my parents loved me and that was enough.

    You and your husband are going to be amazing parents. I've been reading you for years and seen the journey you've taken. You'll make mistakes I'm sure and your kids will probably hate you sometimes, but all of that is normal.

    Meg, you're going to do fine, even without perfect control of your finances or anything else. I have faith in you.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:33 PM  

  • If you wait till you think you can AFFORD to have kids, you never will!!! We have 8.... and have been broker than you would imagine sometimes, but always managed... and loved life and our kids... it takes love to raise a kid right, not a lot of money mate.

    By Blogger Chris H, at 10:40 PM  

  • I think money can confer some advantages on parenthood. If both parents are working double shifts, patience is eroded and family time gets cut a bit short. If you have no health care benefits, it's hard to do the preventative care that makes for a healthier kid. BUT money does not make for a good parent, and lack of money doesn't make for a bad one. It's a question of love, patience, and workarounds, for everyone, even the wealthiest and luckiest.


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:58 AM  

  • You are going to be GREAT parents. And money woes are just a part of that package, I think. I have a 10 year old and a 7 year old, and I used to think that if we only had more money, we wouldn't struggle or worry so much. But guess what? Here we are ten years and twenty grand more a year later...and it's still a source of stress. Try to look at all you DO have and all you HAVE accomplished. Just look around you. You've done great! And you'll continue to do so.

    By Anonymous Angela, at 10:25 AM  

  • Hey Meggles, have been thinking of ye! Hope the post-zoloft days are going okay xxox

    By Blogger Shauna, at 3:26 AM  

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