I Am That Girl Now

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Well now.

On a whim, I weighed in this morning, one day early. I got on and off the scale several times before I believed it wasn't just having a hiccup.

Remember those six pounds I was up last week? Yeah, those are missing. And another three with them. I currently weigh one pound less than I did before the wedding.

I'm kind of puzzled about this, but I figure the mystery six pounds had to do with a) the sinus infection (Macbeth may have been amazed at how much blood a man could have in him; me, I'm more impressed by the huge amounts of snot), b) water retention before my period, and c) the self-medication with food during the week-long headache. Assume that one pound of actual non-water weight came on due to the Kitchen Valium, and that means that over the past three weeks I've been losing an average of two pounds a week-- and then add on the five possible pounds of water weight that I used to talk about all the time, all hitting at once. Voila.

The challenge, though, is not thinking about this in terms of weight, because weight-goals are wacky things: they're achievable, is the worst of it, and they waver around because a human body isn't a static thing. So basing a thought process on it is bad. I need to think of my weight as the canary in the mine-- when something is happening on the scale, I'd better take a look around and see what's going on with my environment and my actions and my habits, check out my general health.

This, plus my thoughts on remembering my health benefits versus those of my husband, have come together to make me think that I really need to get my priorities straight and get my brain set on maintaining my health. For some reason I don't mind the idea of having to work continually to keep my health up, whereas the idea of having to work continually to keep my weight down makes me frustrated and resentful.

Not to mention, if my weight happens to hit upon goal numbers I get sloppy. I don't have a history of keeping on course when my weight is around goal-- it's like I lose my reason and feel like I don't have to worry, or like I've earned the right to eat whatever I want. My body still works the same way, it still operates on the same principles; the numbers on the scale don't change that.


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